Having a loving and intimate relationship with my wife. Having an honest and loving relationship with my kids. Doing meaningful work. Being financially stable. Being physically and mentally fit. Having experiences that delight. Live a life with peace and calm. These are my personal “must haves.” I am curious, do you know what yours are?
In our hearts and souls we each have a set of internal priorities that nurture our happiness. I call them must-haves; those handful of absolutely essential, non-negotiable elements in life that true happiness depends on. Knowing your must-haves is at the core of finding joy and satisfaction in your business and at home. In fact, they are foundational in creating the work/life blend that is right for you.
If you do not have a work/life blend that brings you happiness and success, I feel for you. You deserve better and I want to help.
There are five steps you can take right now to discover your must haves.
01. Determine your personal core values
Your core values are your foundational beliefs, your guiding principles. They are what you stand for and how you view the world. They are unique to you. I have an exercise on the Resources page of my website, Gyolai.com, that you can use for free to determine your core values.
02. Study the points of greatest joy in your life
Imagine a time in your life when you experienced great joy and happiness. Got it in your mind? What were you experiencing? Who was with you? Where were you? What was your situation in life? Answering these questions will help you uncover what it was about that time in your life that allowed you to feel happy. Journal on this topic a bit so you can refer back to it.
03. Study the points of greatest conflict or suffering in your life
Oh this one is no fun. Imagine a time in your life when you experienced pain and suffering, conflict and disappointment. Sorry but I have to ask, got it in your mind? What was happening in your life then? What was your relationship status? How were your spirits? What was causing your suffering? Did you have money issues? Spiritual issues? Journal on this too. Lean into the suffering bravely and with courage. There is no happiness without suffering so don’t be afraid.
04. Determine which experiences, work, or activities feed your soul
Imagine what your life could look like, how it might be different, if you focused on bringing more joy to yourself and those around you, bringing more positive energy into your day, and to feeding your soul. Feeding your soul is about being free, having more fun, having a positive impact, and living in the present moment. For many people, there is a spiritual component to this; they might pray, meditate, sit quietly, or spend time with nature. Do more of what feeds your soul, and then spend some time holding it in tension. Ask, what is it about this that makes me feel happy? If you do this, you will take an important step in discovering your must haves.
05. Write them down and struggle with them for awhile
Did you notice that my personal must-haves were given as short statements? Did you notice the number? There are seven.
The number is important; keep it between 5 and 10. If you have too many you won’t be able to remember them all and that means you won’t be able to manage them. Also, keep the descriptions very short, a few words if you can. If the descriptions are too long, you won’t be able to state them simply and with determination.
Finally, write your must-haves down and post them where you will see them every day. Sit with them for a while. Struggle with them. Do they feel right to you? Please know that this work is worth the effort. A work/life blend that is perfect for you is worth the effort and you need to know your must-haves before you can set out to create it.
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